Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Philosophy of Love Chapter1 pt2

Shelby decided to stay away from the house for a little while so she walked to the park that was by the elementary school she attended as a child. She sat on a swing for almost an hour thinking about all of the things that she had and hadn't done in her life and how unsatisfied she was with all of it. She thought of all of the things that she should have done in high school and in college and it made her feel like she was a failure. She had always wanted to be active in school, there was something that always held her back. She had no idea what it was but it always succeeded in keeping her away from the activities that she liked.
Out of all of the things that Shelby never did, her mother always wondered why she never dated anyone. Shelby always pondered that as well. She had always wanted to find love; she felt that finding love was one of her goals, if not the main goal. She never actually went out to find someone to be with. Most of the guys that she encountered never fit the bill. She had convinced herself that she had standards and had the perfect person in mind, but as she sat on the swing in the park, she realized that sure, she had standards, but she was also too afraid to put herself out there. She wasn't a risk taker and the biggest risk she felt that anyone could take would be to admit true feelings about that person. She never wanted to feel that vulnerable. She had been in that position a couple of times before and she knew that she never wanted to experience that again.
It was getting dark out so she decided to walk back home. When she got back home, her mother wasn't there so she went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and went straight to her room.

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