Friday, December 29, 2006

Charlotte

Hello, I'm Charlotte. I'm the beautiful, British alter ego of poor pathetic Regine. I am the part of her that needs to break free. I like to speak my mind; I make sure that my feelings are known. She, on the other hand likes to suppress me and her emotions. She lets people boss her around and tear away at her dignity.
I'm here to tell you that Regine has been through some emotional roller coasters and it is amazing that she isn't locked up in an asylum somewhere. Can you imagine being dismissed by your best friends or watching an old lady get run over and dragged down the street? Can you imagine being used by the love of your life or having your parents tell you point blank that you are a disappointment? I'm sure that there are a few of you who can relate, and I truly am sorry that you had to go through this sort of ordeal. Now I guess, for those of you who can relate, you all can accept this young woman into your club, the I've Been Screwed So Many Times I Can't See Straight Club. She really can't see straight and that is why I am here.
I want to help her see clearly, but all she wants to see, all she wants to live is a life of satisfying others. I need her to open her bloody eyes and wake the hell up. I try to talk to her but she says that thinking about herself would be selfish. Bloody Hell! Selfish my ass! I told her that if she wants to live a proper life, she must stand up for herself. She can't just sit around hoping that someone would respect her. No, she needs to fight for her respect. She needs to demand respect! And that is where I come in.

Lately, I haven't just been floating thoughts in her head. I have a voice now. She has begun to vocalize me. Why I have a British accent, I don't know, but I feel powerful none-the-less. I don't quite have full control over her body, but her brain and her heart are the most important. I don't really want to control her, but I just want her to live the way that she secretly wants to, the way I want her to. WE are one in the same. She is a result of her surroundings and I am what is missing. I know that she wants to be able to feel and express her emotions and I fully understand that she has never been put in the right place where that was possible. My plan is to turn every waking moment into the perfect opportunity for her/me to finally break free. If she bottles me up any longer, I am going to burst wreak havoc on the world and poor Regine will take the blame for it all. It won't be her fault, nor will it be mine. It is society's fault, the bit of society that has taught her to forget herself. The bit of society that told her that she does not matter. The men that never returned her love, the family that emotionally abandoned her, the friends that took her for all she had.
She almost killed her self, you know. She almost killed me. I, of course, could not let her do that. I had to fight the force that was engulfing her soul. I won the battle, but I did not win the war. That force is still very powerful. It is what is telling her to suppress me. It is what is telling her to accept the idea of being inferior. I will not let the force take her. I don't know what it is that I will have to do, but as God as my witness, something will be done.

2 comments:

Γλαύκωψ said...

Don't call yourself poor or pathetic. It makes me mad. You don't need a fictional alter ago. You need to embrace and be yourself. It's not about what you are, it's what you can be. But if you don't believe in you, it ain't gonna be.

Shano said...

You keep strong. Sounds like you've been to hell and back. You take that strength and get it however you need it, even if it involves a British accent :)

Perhaps you need an all purple room?

x's to you,
Shano